My Thoughts on Xev

 

I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t understand most of what Xev said in her first post on Friday, August 2^nd when she was explaining what she was reading and how she was using that knowledge.  But what I did take away from that posting and the next few that followed is that Xev was trying to separate her real self from her Xev Bellringer persona, and that it wasn’t proving to be an easy task.  This, coupled with what she said on August 3^rd about not knowing where her journey was going to take her makes me think that she’s going through something that a friend of mine went through a few years back.

When I was a military police officer I had the opportunity to make the acquaintance of an undercover cop with a police department in Virginia.  This officer, who I’ll call ‘Dan,’ had been undercover with one of the more well-known 1% motorcycle clubs and had successfully infiltrated the club to the point where he was a full patch member.  He worked this assignment for almost 4 years, and while living the life of his alter ego biker gang member he lost touch with his real identity.  Plainly put, he forgot who he was.  He stopped being Dan the husband and father of three kids and became ‘Ringo’ (not his real road name) the 1% outlaw biker club member.  When he realized what had happened (thanks to his wife) he requested to be removed from the assignment, and spent almost 2 years in therapy to get his mind right.

Dan was the kind of guy who always applied 100% of his efforts to whatever it was he was doing, be it raising his family and being a good husband and father, or being the best undercover cop possible.  He never thought that his dedication to making his alter ego seem as real a person would cause him to lose touch with his real self, but it did.  It almost cost him his family, and once he came out from the assignment there was a contract out on his head.  As far as I know the contract is still in place, but Dan is still alive.  Retired from police work now, but still alive – and ‘Ringo’ is long since dead.

I may be completely and utterly wrong about this, but I have a feeling that this is exactly what has happened with Xev.  I think she threw herself into being Xev Bellringer – the brand she created – with such dedication, devotion, and passion that she lost touch with her real self.  I don’t think it affected her relationship with Mr. B and her little ones – at least I hope it didn’t – but I get the feeling that something like this has taken place.

Now the only question is, how will it affect her brand?  Will she continue to make videos as Xev Bellringer or will she retire her porn persona to concentrate on her real self and family?  Honestly, I don’t know – but my instincts are telling me to prepare for some bad news. 

To be completely honest – and that’s the only way I know – I hope I’m as wrong as the day is long on all of this, and that the reason for Xev’s absence and what she said in her posts was something completely different and not as dramatic or drastic as what I have relayed here.  I truly hope that is the case.

But I just don’t think so.

Time will tell.

Xev, if you ever read this, please know that I love you just as much now as I ever have, and will follow you no matter where your course in life takes you.  You are a very savvy, very intelligent, highly talented, devoted woman who deserves nothing but the good things in life, and I truly hope you get just that.  Thank you for all you have done for me and all of your other fans.  I can’t speak for them, but speaking for myself I can tell you that you’ve made a huge positive difference in my life, and for that I will be forever in your debt.

I love you, m’dear.  Peace out.